Recently in War on Teenagers Category

First it was the Crazy frog. Then it was George Bush turning down the chance to save millions of lives in Africa. And now it's this: twittering, idiotic, gobshite Irish parents leaping on their soapboxes, scrambling on to their moral high horses and grabbing their rolling pins to indulge in what they they believe to be their God-given right as Irish citizens - talking complete and total shite. I'm telling ye - I can't take much more of this.

+Surprise, surprise+

As many of you will know, a horrific recent accident in Ireland claimed the lives of five school girls in Co. Meath: an incident which caused nationwide grief and anger at the disgraceful condition of our school bus services which should have provoked cabinet level resignations. Which, of course, it didn't. Surprise surprise.

Let me be clear: I intend no disrespect to to the bereaved, or the friends and family of the deceased. But todays' hysterical reaction to the news that an Junior Cert. English exam included a question on 'My school Bus journey' is just too much.

Says Eleanor Petrie of the National Parents' Council: "I think it is appalling that it was allowed to go ahead, with this question, knowing that we'd had this national tragedy"

+'Will some please think of the children?'+

So what's tomorrows' outrage Eleanor? A call for the removal of any mention of the holocaust from the History paper? An outright banning of any mentions of Tsunamis from the Geography paper maybe? Or perhaps a complete obliteration of any reference to the word 'recession' from the Economics paper? You never know, Tiny Tim from Bogsville, Co. Self-Importance might get upset because Daddy didn't get that wage increase this year and he can't afford that nice new shiny BMW to drive poor crippled Timmy to his horse riding lessons.

May I ask you Ms Petrie, how do you think a great number of the same students who saw this question today actually got to those exams? Assuming that the 5 series wasn't available, I can only deduce that they walked or (shock! horror! ) they took the bus. That's right: the bus. You may now feel free to wring your hands and screech about the disgraceful insensitivity of the authorities.

"Appalling" says Ms. Petrie. Appaling? The only appaling thing here Eleanor is that there are newspapers so desperate to shift units that they will fill their column inches with crap like this.

Please - shut yer yap and have a bit more respect for the teenagers you claim to protect. I'm sure they have greater worries (like those exams) to be getting on with.

Lock up yer daughters!

It's been brought to our attention here at Globaleyes that a proposed skate park in Bushy Park Dublin is meeting objections from a small number of members of Tennis Ireland.

Chavalanche!

Allegedly, certain members object to the skatepark. Quite why is not exactly known, but we suspect that it has a lot to do with the notion of hordes of great sweaty teenagers taking the 49 or 65 from Tallaght down to the skate park.

What's the problem?

Skate parks have been used with great social effect in Britain to combat teenage delinquency. Scottish authorities have been singing their praises for years and the police forces back them up by telling us that skate parks reduce delinquency wherever they are built.

Somebody get me an ASBO!

It would appear that SS officer Von Goosestep McDowell is not the only one to have a problem with teenagers: it now appears that rich tennis-playing fuckwits have taken to printing leaflets outlining the horrifying threat that pubescent teenagers with lumps of wood on wheels now pose to their life and limb.

I can only assume that after looting their homes, the skatefucks will then proceed to rape every woman in 30 miles, ransack every house and eat every dog they can lay their hands on.

A council meeting tonight should see an end to this idiocy. We'll keep you posted.